Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Last night, as I was browsing Pinterest, I came across this quote. I immediately "pinned" it and made a mental note that I would display this somewhere on my desk. Well, after today, it's just not as fitting as I thought it would be. Today, I realized that I have been waiting around for almost 7 years and for what? I am watching everything I want slip away and am at the point of giving up. I try to stay positive but time after time, I keep getting a slap in the face for even showing an interest in things. It's really hard to do what I do, knowing that it's a waste of my time.

You know, I have always wanted to do something meaningful with my life, help others and just overall be a good person. Currently, I don't feel that what I do has any meaning, any purpose. The hardest part is figuring out where to go from here.

It's not that I don't like what I do, it's that I am stuck in a rut. I can have the career, be a mom and still be that person that I want to be but with a career that is sucking the life out of me, I can't do it! I'm not the mom I want to be, I'm not even the person I want to be, much less am I in a place to help or inspire others or be that so called "good person."

I honestly don't think that I am a bad person. Have I made mistakes? Of course! Have I learned from them? Absolutely! But deep down, there has just got to be something wrong with me. Some reason why I am overlooked for everything, in every aspect of my life. And I try, I really do, to be a good friend, a good co-worker, a good person. So what is it about me that makes people say, "oh not her"?

I apologize for my "poor me" post but am feeling just a bit down and am looking for anything encouraging or just a way out. And with a vague post like this, I don't expect much but I am not allowed to say what I really want on here.

I'm tired of having to hold back my feelings, tired of saying and doing the things that everyone wants me to say or do. One day, I'll get the "balls" to say how I really feel but until then...I'm dealing with it! HA!

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