Tuesday, April 20, 2010

New and Improved!

It has been so long since I last blogged that I don't even know what has happened between now and then. A lot I'm sure.....

We are definitely on to bigger and better things...in time of course! I have officially quit smoking and hope that I have kicked the habit for good. Not the easiest thing but it has to be done for many reasons. I have also been dealing with a lot of emotions lately. Not really sure where they are bubbling up from and I can't say for sure that I am ready to confront those issues, if any, anyways. Maybe it's just me being hormonal! I know things have got to change for us and soon or I don't know how long we can hold on. Not having our own home is weighing a big toll on our relationship and I am worried that if this keeps going the way it's going, there is no going back to where we were. It's sad. Our one year anniversary is coming up in two weeks. Not only can we not afford to celebrate it but we have yet to even take a honeymoon. We never even got to enjoy the honeymoon phase of marriage. I don't want this to be our one and only anniversary. I hate even thinking it could be but things have got to change. A lot of it is me and I'll admit it. I can't pretend that I'm happy when I'm not. I love Jacob with everything in me and look forward to spending the rest of our lives together but not sure that our situation isn't tearing us apart. Between our living arrangements and not being able to get caught up on our bills, I don't know what to do anymore. Win the lottery? That is a wonderful idea but ya got to play to win. I have debated just taking out a loan to pay off our debt then just have that one monthly payment but if we do that, we will never be able to get a loan for a house. I just need $15,000 to fall magically out of the sky and we would be ok.

My theory is life is too short to live like this. I don't want extravagant things. Just a place to call home and to have some of the bills payed down. Not much. But yet to some, that is too much to ask for. How dare I ask to have a place to call home for my family. I work hard for a living, as does Jacob and we have nothing to show for it. Of course we let ourselves get screwed around by people that only care about themselves. If we just would have gotten what we were supposed to get for our house, I could have used half of that for our debt and the other half for a down payment on another home. Our original price was already way under market value and to let them talk Jacob into anything less was wrong. Proves right there they never cared about us or their grandchild! But whatever. It is what it is! They are who they are!

I'll get off my soapbox now...

All in all though I can say that life is good! It's better than the alternative. Avari starts school in about a month. My baby is growing up sooo fast! Looking forward to the many opportunities that is going to bring us. We will difinitely miss Nancy dearly. She is the greatest! I just hope that we can all keep in touch as time goes by. She has been such a part of our life and is like family! Avari is soooo going to miss her! But it is time to take that next step and in the end, it will all be fine!

Work for me is still the same! Nothing new or exciting here. Jacob seems to really like his new job. I got to meet the owner of the company and Jacobs boss. They are really nice people and I am looking forward to getting to know them better. That was probably the best thing that could have happened for Jacob. He is actually getting to see what working for a real company is like and all of the good things that come with it. Another reason for me to thank God everyday!

I guess since I am supposed to be working right now, I better get back to it!

Quote for today is:

'I do not want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.'
- Diane Ackermann  

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